I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
