She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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