Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
