I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
