new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
