god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
