My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
