I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
How's work?
Spinning.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
