On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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