Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
