Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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