FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
