I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
