id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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