my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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