i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
