Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
