look no pants
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
