My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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