We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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