Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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