He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
