Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
