:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
