you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
