are you still at the devil's house?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
