he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
