they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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