the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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