Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
