I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
smell my finger.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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