thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
