Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Every concussion has its silver lining
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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