I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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