Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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