when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Jerry, you need to find god
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
