And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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