The best revenge is premature balding
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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