I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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