Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
