dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
