my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
