i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
