Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
this boner is exhausting
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
