Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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