So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
