Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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