Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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