Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
