jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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